Are you kidding me?
by Eternal Hope is My Company
Summary: One time when Dante finds himself hiding in the van does he find himself a very interesting Devil Breaker and the results are not what he expected.


Once again, Dante found himself lying on the couch in the van. A magazine rested across his face, but his eyes remained open. He wasn't tired at all. But, usually putting something over his face meant people left him alone (at least some of the time). And today, he especially did not want to be bothered by two certain badass women in his life. Hence hiding out in Nero and Nico's van, hoping the pseudo eye mask would keep Nero or Nico from deciding to rouse him and figure out what he was doing (well, for a bit anyway).

When he no longer heard anyone moving about the van for longer than a few minutes, Dante sat up. The magazine fell to the floor. "Darn." Dante shrugged and waved his hand slightly. "I'll get it later." He stood up from the couch and walked towards the back of the van. Just as he gripped the bathroom door handle, he blinked at Nico's arm station.

It wasn't the first time he saw arms hanging off the hooks. But, he hadn't recalled seeing an arm that resembled a white gloved hand before. He raised an eyebrow and let go of the door handle. "Now what can you do?" He walked towards the station, slipping behind the counter. He gripped the arm gently from the hooks. "Your purpose isn't obvious."

Then again, had he been able to guess any of the arms, right? He assumed Punch Line literally allowed Nero to punch powerfully in a straight line. Nope, it could literally shoot itself towards enemies and be ridden like a flying skateboard. Not like he could have guessed Overture was electric (though he also had no clue what the hell the word 'Overture' meant). There had only been one arm he guessed right, and it was because it kind of resembled Nero's old demon arm. Nero sure had loved to use that Buster Arm.

So, no, he probably couldn't trust his own instincts on the matter.

"Let's find out." He moved the arm back and forth like he seen Nero do to activate an arm. He heard a whirling noise before seeing a green aura coating the arm. Yet, his attention really focused on how the hand moved up and down, the whole arm vibrating.

"Uhhhh…" Dante blinked, rising the arm above his head and turning it horizontally. He watched the hand continue what now looked to be an inward outward movement. That was it clicked in his head.

His eyes widened before a huge grin appeared on his face. "Holy shit. I can't believe the Kid would even use such an arm." The grin shifted into a smirk as the arm kept vibrating and moving. "Guess that's one way to get off in a pinch."

He snickered while hearing the van door open.

"Pops you still in here? Lady and Trish are looking for-" Nero stopped talking and Dante noticed Nero's eyes widening and his cheeks turning red.

Dante's smirk grew close to stretching from ear to ear. "Kiiiddd. You didn't tell me you had Nico make an arm to please yourself. Wouldn't Kyrie be ashamed she couldn't please you herself?" He teased while turning the arm a bit, glancing at how that green aura now sometimes had flecks come of it. Huh. "Oh wait! Maybe this isn't for pleasing you! Maybe it's so you can please Ky-ACK!"

His face found itself full of fist. He found his feet moved a few feet back and dropping the arm at that. While he rubbed at his healing face, he saw Nero quickly put up the arm and turn it off. "No! I don't use this arm for that!" Nero's cheeks puffed out slightly. "Nico just had to be stupid and make an arm that heals me look so perverted!"

Dante blinked. "Wait what?"

He heard Nero huff. "You couldn't tell?" Nero asked before Dante shook his head.

"Fine. Here. Let me show you." Nero walked towards him, turning the arm briefly back on.

Dante watched Nero place the arm nearby his face and Dante's eyes widened at his regeneration being speed up even quicker. All that remained within a minute was the blood that had come out of his nose. "Damn! That's pretty cool!"

Nero shrugged before walking past Dante. "Yeah, but it's annoying to keep it from breaking in battle. It doesn't heal unless it's turned on and once it's turned on? Yeah, suddenly ultra-fragile." Nero explained and then muttered something that Dante swore sounded like him bitching about Nico needing to work on that. He chuckled softly as a result.

"I swear if you are still making fun of that arm." Nero growled a bit.

"No no, Kid. I'm not laughing at that." Dante approached Nero, his gaze shifting to the arm now hanging once again on one of the hooks. "But uh, what's the name of that arm?"

He kept looking at the arm. When he saw Nero's ear turn red out of the corner of his eye, he raised an eyebrow. "What? Does the arm not have a name?" He asked only for Nero to turn towards him and rub a finger underneath his nose.

"…Sweet Surrender."

The two looked at each other, the two words lingering in the air. The silence suddenly broke at Dante's loud boisterous laughter.

"You sure this arm isn't secretly a sex toy, kid? Because if you just changed Surrender to Death, you would totally get Sweet Death and most people wouldn't mind dying by-OW!" Dante rubbed his stomach at Nero punching him hard in the gut with narrowed eyes and a tomato red face.

"Dante! Cut it out before I beat your ass!" Nero glared while Dante recovered and had the audacity to still laugh a bit.

"Come on, Nero. It vibrates like a vibrator and everything!" Mirth lingered in his voice even as he saw Nero pulling back his fist. This time, Dante quickly jumped back only to feel himself hitting someone.

"Oh, my b-" Dante paled at seeing Lady when he looked over his shoulder.

Lady smirked at him and then gripped him by the ear. "You're not getting away this time."

Dante's eyes widened, feeling himself dragged a bit. Sure, he could use his strength to keep Lady from doing so. But, he knew she would just shoot him in the head or nuts if he didn't cooperate. "Nero! Help!"

He glared at seeing Nero smirk back at him. "Sorry Pops. Guess I got to experience some Sweet Surrender before I can help you." Nero teased back and laughed as Dante got pulled out of the van.

Dante supposed it was what he got for messing with Nero like that. God-dammit.


End file.
